The Day I Stopped Shrinking

Recently, I had the privilege of joining Jennifer Wren Tolo on her podcast, Simple Awakenings, for a conversation that was far more personal than most interviews I have given.

Apple Podcasts | Episode

For decades, there was a story I rarely spoke about publicly. Not because I was ashamed of it. But because some experiences become woven so deeply into who we are that we stop seeing how much they have shaped us. Thirty-six years ago, I survived a murder attempt. I was attacked by a serial killer and managed to escape. For many years, I believed surviving was the miracle. Today, I know the greater miracle was learning how to live afterward.

The Invisible Cost of Survival

Trauma does not always leave visible scars. Sometimes it quietly influences the decisions we make, the opportunities we avoid, the dreams we postpone, and the ways we learn to make ourselves smaller.

Looking back, I can see how much of my life was spent hiding. Not physically. Emotionally. Professionally. Spiritually.

I became highly capable. Highly educated. Highly accomplished. Yet beneath the achievements was a woman who often felt invisible. A woman who had learned that being seen could feel unsafe. A woman who became an expert at helping others shine while quietly dimming her own light.

And the truth is, I know I am not alone. 

I meet women like this every day. Successful women. Brilliant women. Women who have spent years taking care of everyone else, carrying responsibilities, achieving goals, meeting expectations. Women who appear confident on the outside while silently wondering why they still feel unseen.

The Moment Everything Changed

At some point, I realized something profound. I was spending my life trying to earn permission to take up space. Permission to speak. Permission to be visible. Permission to become who I already was.

And then I understood:

“The greatest prison is not what happened to us. It is the identity we create around it.”

This was a real realization. My healing journey was never about becoming someone new. It was about remembering who I was before fear convinced me to shrink. It was about reclaiming my voice.  Reclaiming my presence. Reclaiming my power. Because I MATTER. And it happened: one conscious choice at a time.

Visibility Is Not Vanity

One of the messages I shared with Jennifer is something I feel deeply called to teach:

“Visibility is not vanity. Visibility is vitality.”

So many people associate visibility with self-promotion, ego, or attention-seeking. I see it differently. Visibility means allowing your truth to be seen. It means expressing your gifts instead of hiding them. No longer apologizing for your brilliance.

When we suppress who we are, we suppress our life force. When we embrace who we are, something extraordinary happens: we become magnetic. Not because we are trying harder but because we are finally aligned.

Your Story Is Not Your Limitation

If there is one thing I hope listeners took away from our conversation, it is this:

“Your story is not the thing that disqualifies you. It may be the very thing that qualifies you.”

The experiences that once caused you pain may become the source of your purpose. The wounds that once made you feel different may become the bridge that allows you to help others.

My journey from invisibility to visibility was not about building a brand per se. It was about becoming fully myself. 

Because , and I truly believe that: branding, leadership, and personal growth all begin in the same place: Identity.

“You do not build your most powerful brand. You become it.”

Perhaps that is the invitation for all of us: To stop shrinking. To stop waiting. To stop asking for permission.  And never apologize for who you are.

My sincere gratitude to Jennifer Wren Tolo for creating a space where conversations like this can happen with such depth, compassion, and humanity.

The journey from invisible to influential does not begin when the world finally notices us. It begins the moment we stop abandoning ourselves and choose to be seen by ourselves first.

 

If this resonated and you’re ready to deepen your visibility. Explore:

 

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brand identity growth mindset identity leadership leadership branding legacy limiting beliefs mindset personal brand personal growth survival transformation visibility